Despite being raised by a supportive and loving family, I still could not escape the self-esteem issues that many of us struggle with growing up. We all have our “thing” that we focus on that we believe prevents us from growing- mine was coming to grips with my sexuality.

At such a young age though, I didn’t know what this disconnection was and felt damaged and alone. I held on to this belief that I was just a spectator of life and that the ideal personal and professional life was only available to individuals who were born a certain way, looked a certain way, and acted a certain way. This persistent belief saturated every cell of my body and was the paradigm I used for my life and my career.

In order to cope with the shame of what I thought was my reality, I would often distract myself by engaging in mindless and unhealthy habits like excessive drinking, spending mindless hours on my phone, watching too much TV, and just generally not taking care of myself (or others). I was living every day unconsciously and was paralyzed with fear and avoidance. I felt trapped personally and professionally and was just going with the motions every day.

Then in 2019, I had a wake-up call that changed everything...

One evening after having several drinks at a friend's get-together, I decided it was a good idea to take his motorized scooter to grab food to bring back to the house. As I was riding down the street intoxicated and feeling “free”, I suddenly lost control of the scooter and flew over the handlebars in the middle of the street. It all happened so fast that I didn't even have time to put my hands out to catch my fall and fell directly on my face. There was blood everywhere and people jumped out of their cars to see if I was okay.

The following day, I hazily woke up with blood all over my bed sheets and was reminded of what a horrible night I had. For weeks after, I replayed the incident over and over in my head and felt so ashamed at what I did to myself and realized how careless I have been with my life. I counted my blessings that I didn't have any life-threatening external injuries, but I couldn’t say the same about how I felt internally. That incident brought a mental and physical rock bottom that I had never felt before.

It was from that day forward that my life had taken on a whole new meaning. I gave up drinking excessively, started eating better, exercising more, and filling my world with positive people and worthwhile experiences. Instead of spending hours on social media and television, I began filling my time with enriching podcasts, books, and courses. Instead of ruminating on my negative thoughts, I began meditating and journaling every day to better understand myself.

Ever since I took back control of my life, I am still learning more about myself everyday, caring more about others, and having an overall better outlook on life. Through being a student of life, I’ve learned ways to reduce the volume of my inner critic and start listening more to the inner voice connected to my higher self. I have more days when the “You Can’t” was replaced by the “You Can!”. And the “You don’t matter!” turned into “You Matter!”. And the “You’re so gay!” turned into “You are enough!”

My experience has resulted in me developing a passion for self-development and the importance of sharing it with others to help us all live a great life and to our potential. This is why I’m now here to share those learnings with you.